Selfcare is not Selfishness!

8.3.2023

Author: Kinchit Reddhiman

It is a bitter truth that, standing in the era of modernization, science and rejuvenation we women still need raise our voice for establishing our human rights, even though we are born as human beings. Smoothly, this epoch of transformation and perfection invisibly makes most of the women’s life even more suppressive than ever. In previous time, women used to take care of families at home and earning bread was the task of men. But nowadays women are required to balance their lives in both professional and personal levels. I am not saying rebuilding of society is not correct. Even, this is the must! But in the name of “modernization” now eventually women are compromising their life, time, and energy in a high degree. Currently, they have less and less time for rest and self-care. Self-care is for many people thought as selfishness. But need to realize, women are human and the central lamp of a dark room. If they don’t manage time for self-care and relaxation, then this lamp will turn off soon and the rooms will remain dark. People say, ‘women are dependent’, but just imagine how intensely others are depending on women.  Self-care is not selfishness, it gives the e

nergy to take care of the people around her.

Women! I am telling you!  Don’t wait that someone else will come forward for your care. You are sufficient to pamper yourself. Be happy with what makes you joyful. Because an unhappy person can’t make others truly cheerful. Today is not the moment of self-accusations, it is the day of action.

For this blog I have taken interviews of women from different countries. All of these stories are true but the names are pseudonyms. Hence, if the names of the stories match with of someone then it is nothing but a coincidence.

 

 

Safia’s life:

Ohh wow! Sunlight after a long time! Beginning of spring! Everyone else than me is sleeping right now! Me and a cup of coffee! It’s ‘me-time’! Life is beautiful! – Safia is thinking…….

She just took a sip of coffee, closed her eyes, and started to slow down a bit. Oh no! Youngest child of the three has already woken up. Soon others will too! Like other days, today also Safia didn’t manage to drink her morning coffee. Maybe she will drink it at some point of the day; though she doesn’t know when she will. But how it matters? Weekday or weekend whatever, it’s her daily routine. After all she is a mother! So, its normal. Enjoying own time is selfishness!

Zuri’s life:

Zuri is going to give birth of her fourth child within this week. So, she has already started to cook at least 1 month’s food for the whole family. She is planning to fill the freezer with those food as much as possible. Otherwise, who will cook for her family? What her kids and husband will eat during her staying in hospital? How the husband can manage without her as he doesn’t know how to cook. And why he should know? He is a man and already earning money for the family. That is already more than enough!

Then Zuri will clean her home and water the plants with terrible backpain before leaving for hospital. Moreover, when she come back from hospital with the new-born, still she must feed the rest of her kids. Probably the kids will not eat properly for those days when she will be at hospital. Because they are habituated with their mother’s feeding only. Lots to do yet! Time is running fast! So much mental and physical stress! But it’s ok! She is the mother after all!

 

Abida’s Life:

Today also he closed the door hard and went to office without saying ‘Goodbye’. Again, Abida made her husband disappointed. Again, she made same breakfast for today. Very boring!  Besides husband, Abida now has the responsibility towards her in-laws. Also, she put-on 7 kgs of weights within one year of marriage. Everyone in

different events reminds her the issue, though she knows it by herself. She loves to dance, but as people called her “fat”, now-a-days she is shy to join the dance floor. This body shaming also bring awkwardness for her husband. She must reduce weight and look like a beautiful doll always. Why she doesn’t take care of herself? What will people say? The people who are engaging in this body shaming are her close people!

 

Shally’s life:

Shally is 37 years old and not married yet. She is so much into her career. But why not so? After all she needs to provide financial support for her old parents and younger siblings. That is why she needs to work harder. Her male colleagues are earning more than her with the same educational degree for the same professional role. But now the concern is, when will Shally get and have kids? If she gets older, she will not even manage to get a husband! Everybody around Shally is asking her to settle down. Even though she is feeling perfect without a marriage or kids. Still, a great matter of concern for others!

These Safias, Zuris, Shally’s Abidas, are walking around us. We can see them at metros, shopping malls, offices, and home with a smile on their faces. We give a quick look and make an assumption: ‘a woman’.  The idol of care, love, sacrifice and dependency. We carry always a bucket of expectations for them to meet.

Why they are not on-going with job or studies? Why are they sitting at home and taking care of kids? Why are they going to work and not planning kids? Why they planned of having only one child? Why don’t they look as good as they did before? Why didn’t they manage to cook for everyone after coming from office? Why are they going to gym or want to visit friends? Why do they have male friends? Why are they looking for ‘me-time’? Why cannot they manage time for everything? Why have they put clothes on to attract others? Why are they covering their bodies? Why are they sitting like a man? WHY, WHY, WHY?

Hei women! Listen! You can close the door of these questions. You don’t have to manage everything. You will manage up to the level that your body and heart allow. There are a lot of things going on in your life, but YOU are the most important. Now take your cup of coffee in your hand and enjoy it fully!

Happy Women’s Day!

-Kinchit Reddhiman