Lost in a world full of people

by Annemarie Winterauer

I am Anni, moved to Finland permanently in summer 2020, started my first year of university. I was excited about everything, excited about meeting new people, learn a profession, and have an unforgettable time. Well, the time is unforgettable.

After 2 weeks of contact teaching the University decided to teach us online. Not a surprise at all honestly. It was different, but still an experience in its own way. I kept saying it is just the first semester, just a couple of months, just until Christmas. But it is still ongoing. While it was okay in the beginning, I started to feel lost. Lost in a Collaborate-Room full of other students. Lost in the way of what am I doing here, what am I supposed to do, is that the life I was dreaming of?

The answer is no. It is not the life I was dreaming of. I found myself often crying, over and over asking myself the same question: is that really the life I wanted to live?

I was not aware of the seriousness of this situation. I drowned myself in work and activities because I wanted to use my time, because you know, now I have the time to do this. No friends, no socializing, no parties, no work, but full time studying. This is the point where I lost myself.

I was surrounded by friends, online. I still am surrounded by them. But online you do not show the negative aspects of life, you act like everything is just sunshine and rainbows. What I want to say, after one year of a global epidemic, socializing is more important than ever, awareness for mental health is more important than ever. Stop, take a breather, and remember how amazing you are and what you have reached so far.

When I heard my internship at Nicehearts ry will be online, I was scared. Scared because again just online. And now? Now, I am here, seeing and realizing what activities, trainings, and meetings are organized online. Sure, it is not the same, but I started here 2 days ago and met already powerful and amazing women, women who support women. I already have the feeling, when I do need support, I will find it here. There will be open ears to listen, supportive and motivational talks. And just by knowing this, I feel less lost. I feel safe.

I can just repeat myself; we are all doing an amazing job, as a student, an employee, a mother, a friend, an intern. It is important to remember this. And it is okay to ask for help and support, we are all in the same boat. Stay safe, stay healthy.

Thanks for reading!

With lots of love,

Anni

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